Free Articles  >>  Parenting >>  Page 98  >> 

Being A Happy Parent Part Of Good Parenting

When you were growing up, did you ever wish that your parents were happy? Did you feel safe when they were happy and peaceful?

My mother was rarely a happy person. Most of the time she was anxious, angry and felt overburdened, even though I was her only child. She rarely laughed and was often upset with me, or my father. Clearly, she made both of us responsible for her happiness and we consistently fell short.

I would have given anything to have had a happy mother – a mother who knew how to take responsibility for her own happiness and pain. I would have loved to have had a mother who showed me how to take loving care of myself instead showing me how to be an unhappy martyr.

Often, in my counseling work with parents, I ask them if their parents were happy. Most of the time they say no. I ask them if they wanted their parents to be happy and invariably they say, “Yes, I would have loved it.” Yet these same parents are not taking responsibility for making themselves happy now. They are acting just like their parents – anxious, angry, depressed, withdrawn, resistant, or compliant. They are controlling with each other or with their children in the same ways their parents were controlling.

“As parents,” I say to them, “it is your responsibility to learn how to make yourselves happy so you can be role models for your children. How can your children learn how to take emotional responsibility if you don’t? Right now, you are role modeling being a victim of your circumstances instead of being an emotionally responsible adult. You are using your anger, upsets and unhappiness to control your children, or you are putting yourself aside to take care of everyone but yourself. How can they learn to take care of themselves if you are not taking care of yourselves?”

Many parents take care of externals: they keep the house clean, they are on time, they pay their bills, and they earn money. Some parents even take care of their physical health by eating well and getting enough exercise. But many parents fail to take care of their emotional wellbeing.

Taking care of your emotional wellbeing means that you recognize that you cause your own feelings with your thoughts and actions. When you think and behave in ways that are unloving to yourself or others – that are not in your highest good - you will be unhappy. When you think and behave in ways that are loving to yourself and others – that are in your highest good - you will be happy. Your positive or negative emotions are completely the result of your own thoughts and actions.

If you operate from the belief that how your children act, or how your partner acts, or how your external life is, causes your feelings, then you are operating as a victim. As a victim, your happiness is dependent upon others doing what you want them to do and on getting the outcomes you want. If this is your belief system, then you are teaching your children to be victims.

Taking emotional responsibility means staying tuned into your own feelings and immediately shifting your thought process and actions when you are feeling negative feelings. It means that you learn to access a spiritual source of inner guidance to help you know how to take loving care of yourself. You need to learn to turn to your spiritual guidance to help you think the thoughts and take the actions that are true and in harmony with your soul, rather than operating from the false beliefs that cause you pain.

Do not kid yourself into thinking that as long as you are there for your children you are being good parents. You also need to learn to be there for yourself so that you can be a happy and peaceful parent.
About Author Margaret Paul, Ph.D. :

Margaret Paul, Ph.D., best-selling author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You” and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: <a href="" target="_blank"></a> or email her at Phone Sessions.

Article Source:
Article Url:

Article Added on Wednesday, January 3, 2007
Other Articles by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Parents Have You Forgiven Yourself
>From the time my first child was born, I wanted to be a wonderful parent. I read book after book on parenting and tried to learn all I could about being a great parent. And I did a good job, considering how I was raised. But I certainly did not do a perfect job by any means, if there even is such a thing. My children are adults now and I am a grandparent. I get to see the fruits of my parenting, and I am mostly happy with the results. But not totally happy. For one thing, I didn’t know...

Parenting Starts Before Pregnancy
by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.The following article is offered for free use in your ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long as the author resource box at the end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated.Title: Parenting Starts Before Pregnancy Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.E-mail: Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret PaulURL: http://www.innerbonding.comWord Count: 817Category: ParentingParenting Starts Before PregnancyBy...

Authoritarian Parenting Permissive Parenting or Loving Parenting
 by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. Angie was brought up by rigid, authoritarian parents who kept her on a tight leash. They rarely considered her feelings about anything, showing a complete lack of empathy and compassion for her feelings and desires. If she came home five minutes late from school or from an activity, she was punished. Yelling and hitting were their favorite forms of punishment. Angie was a good girl. She did well in school and did what she was told, but was often sad and lonely and...

The Courage to Be a Loving Parent
by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.The following article is offered for free use in your ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long as the author resource box at the end is included. Notification of publication would be appreciated.Title: The Courage to Be a Loving ParentAuthor: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.E-mail: Copyright: © 2003 by Margaret PaulWeb Address: http://www.innerbonding.comWord Count: 716Category: ParentingTHE COURAGE TO BE A LOVING PARENTBy Margaret...

Enmeshed Parenting
Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They came through you but not from you and though they are with you yet they belong not to you. -- Kahlil Gibran Symptoms of enmeshed parenting: * Your children's good or difficult behavior and successful or unsuccessful achievements define your worth. * Your children are the center of your life - your purpose in life. * Your focus is on taking care of your children rather than taking care...

Are You Enmeshed With Your Children
The Encarta World English Dictionary defines enmesh as to entangle somebody or something in something from which it is difficult to be extricated or separated. Are you entangled with your children in a way that is limiting both you and your children? Parents may enmesh with children when they want control over their children and they want their children to take responsibility for them. By over-involving themselves in their children's lives, they hope to tie their children to them in such a...

Parenting Emotional Incest
Jacob, a participant in one of my telephone support groups, was exploring the fact that he generally didn't like to be touched. He was sharing with the group a situation that used to happen with his mother. She used to sit me on the couch with her and grab my arms and look intently into my eyes, telling me how much she loved me and how important to her I was. I don't know exactly how to describe what I felt when she did that. Was it a yucky feeling? asked Sarah, another participant. Yes,...

Start Growing Healthy Children Before Getting Pregnant
   by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.The following article is offered for free use in your ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long as the author resource box at the end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated.For other articles which you are free to use, see Title: Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.E-mail: Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret PaulURL: http://www.innerbonding.comWord Count: 640Category:...

Are You Addicted to Your Children
?  by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. Is it possible to be using our children addictively? Anything that we use to get love, avoid pain, and fill up inner emptiness can become an addiction – even our children! If your children are your whole life – if you don’t have a strong spiritual connection with a personal source of love and guidance, as well as other relationships and interests that you are passionate about, you might be using your children to fill an empty place within you. If you don’t have...

Cinderella Was Not Saved She Was a Happy Person All Along
Would the prince have chosen Cinderella to marry if she was a miserable young woman? If her stepsisters were beautiful but miserable, would he have chosen either of them? Are you living under the delusion that when you meet your soul mate you will finally be happy - that your misery is because you are not in a relationship or not in the right relationship? If this is you, you might be interested in what I have discovered in my 42 years of counseling individuals and couples. Most people who...

Click here to see More Articles by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Publishers / Webmasters
Article ID: 54588
DELINK URL from Authors Bio
REMOVE Article
Tell A Friend
Leave A Comment!
Download this article in PDF
Report Article!
Search through all the articles:

276 Users Online!!
Related Articles:
Latest Articles:
parenting >> Top 50 Articles on Parenting
Category - >
Advertising Advice Affiliate Programs Automobiles
Be Your Own Mentor Careers Communication Consumers
CopyWriting Crime Domain Names DoT com Entrepreneur Corner
Ebooks Ecommerce Education Email
Entertainment Environment Family Finance And Business
Food & Drink Gardening Health & Fitness Hobbies
Home Business Home Improvement Humour House Holds
Internet And Computers Kiddos and Teens Legal Matters Mail Order
Management Marketing Marriage MetaPhysical
Motivational MultiMedia Multi Level Marketing NewsLetters
Pets Psychology Religion Parenting
Politics Sales Science Search Engine Optimization
Site Promotion Sports Technology Travel
Web Development Web Hosting WeightLoss Women's Corner
Writing Miscellaneous Articles Real Estate Arts And Crafts

Disclaimer: The information presented and opinions expressed in the articles are those of the authors
and do not necessarily represent the views of and/or its owners.

Copyright © AwareINDIA. All rights reserved || Privacy Policy || Terms Of Use || Author Guidelines || Free Articles
FAQs Link To Us || Submit An Article || Free Downloads|| Contact Us || Site Map  || Advertise with Us ||
Click here for Special webhosting packages for visitors of this website only!
Vastu Shastra

Cheap Linux VPS Hosting Provided By AwareIndia

Company IDS