bharatbhasha.com
Free Articles  >>  Parenting >>  Page 16  >> 

Parents The 3 Most Catastrophic Mistakes Parents Make and How to Avoid Them





In all the years I have been working with children and parents, I am amazed at just how many parents believe they can tell their children what to do and their children should just “do as they are told”.

Well I am here to tell you: nothing could be further from the truth. Most of these parents who expect or demand compliance from their children are needlessly headed for frustration and ultimately disaster. The worst part is: it just doesn’t have to happen!

As parents, we know we are far from perfect. We know we make mistakes; in fact, mistakes are a part of life, so it is inevitable. However, what we want to avoid are those serious mistakes that create larger problems that are difficult to resolve.

TOP THREE PARENTING MISTAKES

• Getting into power struggles that create resistance in your child
• Treating your child as if they know nothing and you know everything
• Towering over and overpowering your child to get them to do as you want

WHY ARE THESE TOP THREE CONSIDERED CATASTROPHIC MISTAKES?

All three really deal with power OVER your child. While you have responsibility for your child, ultimately you want them to develop to their full potential so they can live fulfilling, independent lives. If you tell them what to do all the time, they will not learn how to problem solve effectively for themselves.

Think about what you would feel if someone were to assert power and control over you, at your expense. It would be hard to thrive. In nature if a sun loving plant lived under a tree with a huge canopy, the lack of sunlight would mean the plant would not thrive.

THE RESULT OF OVER CONTROL

Parents who micromanage their child and overshadow every move their child makes, will often say, “it worked for me…I turned out OK… Actually, I was so wild I needed that type of control”.

What a parent who was micromanaged often does not realize is that much of their upbringing and behavior was a product of their parent not knowing other options.

While most children ultimately bend to their parent who exerts their authority in a controlling manner, they do not learn effective coping skills. This hampers them in resolving conflicts through means other than overpowering someone else. Imagine using a sledge hammer when a small hammer would work so much better.

No matter how well intentioned an overpowering parent might be, they build a resistance in their child. A child might submit but silently defy. Silent defiance comes in many forms, perhaps in “showing” the parent that no matter how tough the parent is, they will not give the parent the satisfaction of crying or showing emotion.

This becomes the stoic child who stores their anger and frustration. These emotions when under pressure tend to either leak out or explode at some point with someone less powerful that they can intimidate.

Some children respond to over control with anxiety and fear. Over controlling parents then may feel frustrated that these children seem to have “no backbone”. These children may perceive themselves as weak and ineffectual.

We need to let children struggle against the elements of life, in order for them to develop their strength. If we squash the evolving strength with our rules and demands, we can weaken them.

WAYS TO AVOID THE TOP THREE PARENTING MISTAKES AND ALLOW YOUR CHILD TO GROW AND THRIVE

• Connect with your child, step into their shoes to experience the world as they do
• Calm your emotions because emotions are contagious and if you are calm they will catch your calmness
• Listen to their thoughts and feelings. Children see things, as they appear to them in the moment. Enjoy the humor; children can be enormously entertaining as they tell it like it seems to them. Art Linkletter interviewed thousands of children on his early TV show, and showed us how “Kids Will Say The Darndest Things”.
• Limits are important but you will deliver them very differently if you complete the first three steps first.
• Fresh-Starts are very important because it gives you and your child freedom from mistakes. It normalizes mistakes and communicates your belief that you child can correct the mistakes. This is important as a way to focus on making better choices in the future. With fresh-starts, there is no making a child feel bad about past mistakes once they correct the problem.

No matter how long you have been a parent, chances are you are missing one of these steps or applying them out of order. The good news: you can follow the simple steps I have outlined to stop making mistakes that have lasting impact, and insure that you connect to have positive influence with your child.
About Author Sandra Dye :

Sandra, psychotherapist and Child Expert, creator of the 5-Word Parenting System: Connect, Calm, Listen, Limits and Fresh-Start. Learn it once use it for life. Contributing author to All-in-One Marriage Prep. <a href="http://one-step-ahead-parenting.com" target="_blank">http://one-step-ahead-parenting.com</a> <a href="http://www.facebook.com/OneStepAheadParenting" target="_blank">http://www.facebook.com/OneStepAheadParenting</a>


Article Source: https://www.bharatbhasha.com
Article Url: https://www.bharatbhasha.com/parenting.php/325314


Article Added on Friday, September 30, 2011
LD
Other Articles by Sandra Dye

Parents and Backtalk 5 Stunningly Simple Ways For Parents to Turn Backtalk Into Communication
If you think backtalk is something you have to endure as a parent or have to control with strict limits and consequences, you are mistaken. If you follow 5 simple steps in the proper order you will dramatically reduce backtalk and become closer with your child than you ever imagined. • Connect • Calm • Listen • Limits • Fresh Start Do you find your frustration building when the simplest request you make of your child results in backtalk? The natural response is to react to the backtalk by...

Parents How Often Do You Find Yourself Saying I Wish I Knew How To Eliminate The Checkstand Meltdown
Parents Who Never Thought They Could - Have Eliminated Checkstand Meltdowns With These 5 Steps Why must they put candy at the checkout stand? All Eyes Focused on You Parents faced with the checkout stand crisis never forget the times when all eyes are suddenly on them. This experience repeats itself in stores across the nation. What does your child see? Let us look at what is happening through your child’s eyes. Imagine sitting in the grocery cart as your parent goes to the produce...

Parents With Clingy Toddlers You Get A Needed Break And Your Toddler Is Less Clingy
It’s No Accident. In Less Than A Week, I Can Show You How To Get Time For Yourself. One of the most difficult stages of raising a young child is from 18 months to 3 years old. During this time, it can feel like there is a ball and chain connecting you to your child. It can feel like you are under your child’s control. Your child seems to be dictating your every move, and actively restricting your movements. Clingy toddlers translate to exhausted parents. During this phase, you may experience...

Publishers / Webmasters
Article ID: 325314
DELINK URL from Authors Bio
REMOVE Article
Tell A Friend
Leave A Comment!
Download this article in PDF
Report Article!
Search through all the articles:


101 Users Online !
Related Articles:
Latest Articles:
 
parenting >> Top 50 Articles on Parenting
Category - >
Advertising Advice Affiliate Programs Automobiles
Be Your Own Mentor Careers Communication Consumers
CopyWriting Crime Domain Names DoT com Entrepreneur Corner
Ebooks Ecommerce Education Email
Entertainment Environment Family Finance And Business
Food & Drink Gardening Health & Fitness Hobbies
Home Business Home Improvement Humour House Holds
Internet And Computers Kiddos and Teens Legal Matters Mail Order
Management Marketing Marriage MetaPhysical
Motivational MultiMedia Multi Level Marketing NewsLetters
Pets Psychology Religion Parenting
Politics Sales Science Search Engine Optimization
Site Promotion Sports Technology Travel
Web Development Web Hosting WeightLoss Women's Corner
Writing Miscellaneous Articles Real Estate Arts And Crafts
Aging


Disclaimer: The information presented and opinions expressed in the articles are those of the authors
and do not necessarily represent the views of bharatbhasha.com and/or its owners.


Copyright © AwareINDIA. All rights reserved || Privacy Policy || Terms Of Use || Author Guidelines || Free Articles
FAQs Link To Us || Submit An Article || Free Downloads|| Contact Us || Site Map  || Advertise with Us ||
Click here for Special webhosting packages for visitors of this website only!
Vastu Shastra

Business eMail Provided By AwareIndia







Company IDS