Free Articles  >>  Family >>  Page 985  >> 

My Family Is Me I Am My Family Part Four

Obviously, in the kind of pressure-filled society in which we live, all families are subjected to stresses and problems requiring a high degree of flexible adaptability in order to mobilize emotional resources for the maintenance of meaningful interactions. There are danger signals that can alert the family to potential trouble including:

1. False togetherness '

A tendency to promote intimacy and affection not for its genuine value of developing warmth, trust, and co-operation, but to cover up unresolved conflict. It becomes a caricature, unnatural, and, paradoxically, promotes an even sharper isolation from conflict-solving resources.

2. Rigidity '

A tightening of parental controls and power resulting not in clearer role definitions, but in narrowing family functions and capacity for growth by rigid coercion into limited roles.

3. Over permissiveness '

An exaggerated permissiveness in marital and parental obligations resulting in each going his own way. Overtly it appears that cohesiveness is enhanced by the decreased conflict, competition, and aggressivity in family relations. Covertly, however, the message is, you do not give a damn about me; I am not going to give a damn about you. Indeed, marital sexual problems are solved by extramarital affairs, and problems with the offspring, by the liberal use of uninvolvement and isolation such as boarding schools, extended camps, etc.

4. Narrow specialization '

This occurs when a family says it really can do some one thing well together, material success, etc., but feels that, if the base were broadened, the structure would collapse.

5. Scapegoating '

We are okay - it is just you; one segment of the family holds itself together at the expense of another integral segment.

6. Routine and rituals '

In this situation, emotional barriers have arisen, relationships have become alienated, intimacy is avoided, and problem-solving potential is lost. The emphasis then shifts from the personal and intimate to routine and rituals, the family reunion becoming an onerous chore and loveless ritual.

7. Self-indulgence '

An exaggerated concern with self-gratification and play emerges in response to problems. For example, alcohol, drugs, gambling, love affairs, and even psychotherapy may be taken, or undertaken, to avoid understanding. Who looks for a thief in a police station?

It is well known that problems within a family may first be brought to the attention of the family doctor. Frequently the difficulties are disguised by focusing on a problem child, sexual dissatisfactions, hypochondriacal symptoms, school or work problems and so forth. The physician who is willing to orient himself toward his patients interpersonal, familial relationships may provide an enormously beneficial service, with rewarding results, in a remarkably brief period of time. Indeed, when people erect walls about themselves for protection from painfully perceived impingement upon their most intimate environment, they come to live in very dark and lonely cities. For, just as walls may protect, they may also prevent one from being able to see out beyond them, thereby perpetuating problems and impeding any meaningful solution.

The role of the therapist, then, is to arouse such defenses to the service of problem resolution and to make possible the replacement of the symptom or aberrant behavior by healthier adaptations. More specifically, the role of the intervening therapist can be delineated as:

1. Establishing useful rapport;

2. Catalyzing the expression of major and minor conflicts;

3. Counteracting inappropriate ways of expressing conflict;

4. Transforming dormant, intrapsychic, concealed conflicts into interpersonal interactions whenever possible and appropriate;

5. Neutralizing scapegoating;

6. Fulfilling, in part, the role of a parent, i.e., controller of danger, source of emotional support, supplier of elements a family needs but lacks;

7. Penetrating and undermining resistance and decreasing the intensity of conflict, guilt, and fear;

8. Serving as an instrument of reality testing; and

9. Serving as an educator-personifier of more useful models of adaption.

About Author Sheldon Kardener :

Sheldon H. Kardener, MD, has written, lectured and taught extensively while practicing psychodynamic psychotherapy for over 40 years. Always on the cutting-edge, he is often called father of Focused Dynamic Therapy. His book, Breaking Free: How Chains From Childhood Keep Us From What We Want, is a breakthrough book, the biggest breakthrough in psychotherapy since the 60s. Learn more at <a href="" target="_blank"></a> or call 310.399.8727

Article Source:
Article Url:

Article Added on Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Other Articles by Sheldon Kardener

My Family Is Me I Am My Family Part One
Copyright (c) 2010 Sheldon Kardener Until the latter part of the 19th century, science did not dare look at the family. Witness the laws on child-beating. Society acted 100 odd years ago to prevent cruelty to animals - one had best not beat or mistreat them - but struggled to assure a similar protection for children. There was a logical reason for this glaring oversight. The family and its individual integrity were sanctioned by religion and tradition. The home was, and is, in the final...

My Family Is Me I Am My Family Part Three
Copyright (c) 2010 Sheldon Kardener Since the family is a system, everyones behavior influences, and is influenced by, every one elses behavior. Much to the painful surprise of some parents, their children display what they did not know or recognize in themselves. Children may take over from their parents what was repressed deep in the unconscious or expressed only in complex, neurotic ways. This is what is most feared - that the child will expose the parents faults, forcing them to defend...

My Family Is Me I Am My Family Part Two
Copyright (c) 2010 Sheldon Kardener Let us look at some interesting studies done with monkeys. Those who had as their only companions and mother-surrogates a warm, shaggy, cuddly, always available, stuffed doll at first looked as though they did all right. But then they were followed into maturation and studied further upon reintroduction into a more normal captive monkey colony. It was found that they did not get along with the group; there was a lack of normal or adequate sexual...

Courage to Change
Copyright (c) 2010 Sheldon Kardener When we are unhappy with our circumstances, we often speak enthusiastically of the importance of change. Realizing that this entails giving up unresolved Needs, we try to have change on the one hand without doing anything different on the other. Therein lies the essence of conflict in the process of change: The Adult, wanting change, runs into the tenacity of the child needing nothing to be different. The tension between these two states generates both the...

Accepting Loss
Copyright (c) 2010 Sheldon Kardener The natural rhythms of life between the constants of birth and death involve change, the third constant. In the face of change, our ability to adapt determines how we emotionally approach lifes seasons and new situations. One part of us tries to keep change at bay, which can lead to conflict if we no longer desire what we attempt to preserve. Then, avoiding the dreaded feelings of hopelessness and helplessness dictate our actions. Another part of us...

Violence as a Defense Against Intimacy Part One
History is replete with evidence that aggression, leading to acts of violence and assassinations, has always been part of the human experience. As weaponry becomes ever more destructive to even larger populations than possible in the past, there is an urgency to better understand and modify our propensity toward violence. Early Freudian concepts focused on two human drives: aggression and sexuality. A sophisticated psychology of sexuality was developed but one for aggression was left wanting....

Violence as a Defense Against Intimacy Part Four
Rioting and Civil Rights Movements The murders of civil rights workers and leaders, most especially those of Medger Evers and Dr. Martin Luther King, further illustrate this thesis explored in part three, Dr. Kings fervent policy of non-violence is dangerous to both black and white society because what is emotionally perceived is not non-violence, but non-alienation. And frightened segregationists mobilized their resistance. Covertly within the non-violent movement there also develops a...

Violence as a Defense Against Intimacy Part Two I was Alone
Martin Niemoller, a Lutheran pastor in Nazi Germany, said, When they came for the Jews, I did nothing, for I am not a Jew. When they came for the Socialists, I did nothing, for I am not a Socialist. When they came for the labor leaders, the homosexuals, the gypsies, I did nothing for I am none of these, and when they came for me, I was alone, and there was no one to stand up for me. The U.S. Census form lists 15 ethnic categories with three additional write in spaces if one does not identify...

Violence as a Defense Against Intimacy Part Three Leaders and Assassination
The political arena characterizes the recapitulation of the earliest developmental state in an individuals psychological growth. It demands clear-cut differentiations between candidates and their parties. Emphasis is not upon similarities but differences, which can be artificially judged as all good us and all bad them. This infantile need for such a dichotomy makes the bad, meaning the other, a threat engendering fear. Of course, the reality is that reasonable positions are far closer...

Publishers / Webmasters
Article ID: 249337
DELINK URL from Authors Bio
REMOVE Article
Tell A Friend
Leave A Comment!
Download this article in PDF
Report Article!
Search through all the articles:

113 Users Online !
Related Articles:
Latest Articles:
family >> Top 50 Articles on Family
Category - >
Advertising Advice Affiliate Programs Automobiles
Be Your Own Mentor Careers Communication Consumers
CopyWriting Crime Domain Names DoT com Entrepreneur Corner
Ebooks Ecommerce Education Email
Entertainment Environment Family Finance And Business
Food & Drink Gardening Health & Fitness Hobbies
Home Business Home Improvement Humour House Holds
Internet And Computers Kiddos and Teens Legal Matters Mail Order
Management Marketing Marriage MetaPhysical
Motivational MultiMedia Multi Level Marketing NewsLetters
Pets Psychology Religion Parenting
Politics Sales Science Search Engine Optimization
Site Promotion Sports Technology Travel
Web Development Web Hosting WeightLoss Women's Corner
Writing Miscellaneous Articles Real Estate Arts And Crafts

Disclaimer: The information presented and opinions expressed in the articles are those of the authors
and do not necessarily represent the views of and/or its owners.

Copyright AwareINDIA. All rights reserved || Privacy Policy || Terms Of Use || Author Guidelines || Free Articles
FAQs Link To Us || Submit An Article || Free Downloads|| Contact Us || Site Map  || Advertise with Us ||
Click here for Special webhosting packages for visitors of this website only!
Vastu Shastra

Linux Multi Domain Hosting Provided By AwareIndia

Company IDS