It is a fact of life that when we make social overtures to other people, we face the risk that people will sometimes reject us. The only people who never experience rejection are those who never interact with other human beings.
Otherwise, everyone occasionally experiences situations in which they are rejected. You might get turned down for coffee, for a dance, for a party, a relationship, or even for marriage.
Rejection is never fun to experience, and for some people, it’s not easy to overcome.
There is a big difference in the way that shy and lonely people experience rejection, and the way that socially confident people experience the event.
For most socially confident people, being rejected is a relatively trivial experience that is soon forgotten, whereas for people who are shy and lonely, rejection can be a long lasting, emotionally traumatic experience.
Those people who are very emotionally sensitive, who lack confidence and self esteem, or who are very shy:
-tend to fear the risk of rejection far more than socially confident people do -are more likely to experience rejection as a very painful and humiliating experience. -often assume they are entirely to blame if they are rejected -are likely to interpret social rejection as proof that they are somehow at fault, or defective. -are more likely to imagine rejection where none has occurred -are more likely to avoid social interactions if they believe rejection might occur. -are more likely to believe that if they have been rejected by one person, they will continue to be rejected by everyone else, for the rest of their lives.
How Socially Confident People Handle Rejection
How does a person with healthy self-esteem deal with rejection? They might think to themselves, “It’s too bad my invitation wasn’t accepted. Oh well. Maybe it was bad timing” Or they might decide, “Maybe that guy is just a jerk I’d never like anyway. I think I’ll call up Roger instead and ask him to go to the movie with me”.
When socially confident people make a friendly overture, they assume they will probably be successful. They are very focused on the positive end result they want – more friends, more options, a more vital life.
A person with healthy self-esteem realizes that taking occasional social and emotional risks is a necessary part of developing relationships. If someone turns them down, they don’t take it personally. They just move on and look for someone else who will be more receptive.
It doesn’t occur to a socially confident person to think that the reason they were rejected is because they are deeply flawed or inadequate.
In fact, socially successful people tend to take all the credit for their social successes for themselves, and when they do encounter a social fiasco, they usually assign the blame to the other person! This is the opposite of how shy and lonely people often react.
Shy and lonely people tend to grab all the blame for themselves if their social overture is rejected, and if their overture is accepted they may believe the other person made a mistake in accepting them!
How To Never Be Rejected Again!
If you absolutely hate the thought of rejection by other people, here is a foolproof method that will guarantee that you will never be rejected again.
Are you curious? Here it is: The way you can be totally rejection-proof is if you give up absolutely all interactions with other human beings for the rest of your life!
Is that something you are really willing to do? There are occasionally extreme cases of people who adopt this option. For the great majority of us however, giving up all social connection is too high a price to pay to avoid the occasional pain that sometimes accompanies human interactions.
When we give up interacting with others, not only do we give up some occasional pain and discomfort, but we also miss out on all the potential warmth, comfort, fun and excitement that other human beings can offer us.
Remember, if you never put yourself in a situation where someone can say “no” to you, you will also never be in a situation where someone can say “yes” to you.
Article Source: http://www.BharatBhasha.com
Article Url: http://www.bharatbhasha.com/self_improvement.php/32972
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| About Author Royane Real : |
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This article by Royane Real is taken from her new book “How You Can Have All the Friends You Want – Your Complete Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends, and Keeping Friends” Sign up for her free newsletter filled with Life Improving tips! http://www.royanereal.com
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