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Fear is Faith Inverted





Fear is Faith Inverted   by Ellen M. DuBois


The first thing to come to mind at this moment is this saying: Fear is Faith inverted. I think there's a lot of truth to that.

I have a lot of faith and it's carried me through some of the rockiest times of my life. But, I'm human and I feel, cut, bleed and cry like the rest of us. And, no matter how much faith I have, there are those moments when I simply "lose it" and am scared out of my mind. It feels like all my faith is gone.

Thank God that after these moments, I sense the gentle hand of God calming me down and I know that everything is going to work out…somehow.

But, why can't I just have faith all the time and avoid those moments where I can't give my life to God completely? Why do I sometimes get paralyzed with fear?

I don't know. I guess it's because I just haven't learned to do it yet. I wonder if anyone ever can? Are there people out there who are so confident and full of faith that they never become fearful?

I'm not one of them.

The other day we found out that a family member has cancer. At least that's the first call the doctor who did the examination made. As far as I am concerned, the jury is still out until the biopsy results come in.

I prayed and prayed and am still praying. I am visualizing the body healing itself through the light of Christ and I am boldly asking for a miracle. Why not? I have the right to, just like anyone else. The thing about miracles is this: you have to believe in them for them to happen. I do, and I am not afraid to ask for one because I've gotten over the "I don't deserve to ask for one" stage of my life. God wants me to ask, He wants to give and He wants me to believe that He can and will help. So, I asked for one.

However, fear lures is ugly head once again and I find myself alone and crying. I am saying, "God, please help me to be strong. Please—help—me."

Another family member, my Dad, is scheduled for an echocardiogram. Wait a minute! My Dad? An echocardiogram? No, this can't be. He's my father! No, he can't have a heart problem. No way. He's the guy who plays the piano like there's no tomorrow and is my musical hero. He's the guy I gigged with for the first time at sixteen. He's active. People love him.

God, what's happening?

I am afraid again.

Where'd my faith go? Is it still there? If it is, why am I so full of fear? It's too much at once, God.

I need your help. Please help turn my fear into faith. Please help me to take comfort in You.

God, please help me walk the walk and not just talk the talk.

And then I realize that it's okay to be afraid. It's normal. If I weren't ever scared, I don't think I'd be human.

And through that fear comes faith. It's a metamorphosis of sorts. If not for the fear, I wouldn't turn to God for help. That act of turning IS faith.
© Ellen M. DuBois



About Author Ellen M. DuBois :


Ellen M. DuBois, MA - Ms. DuBois is engaged and has a dog who loves to critique her work. She is published in vol.2 of God Allows U-Turns with her piece, "The Angel in the Dumpster". She writes to touch the hearts of others. Please visit Writings of the Heart, her award winning writer's resource site- http://writingsoftheheart.homestead.com/index.html


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Other Articles by Ellen M. DuBois

To Be an American
by Ellen M. DuBoisWhen I was a little girl, we stood in class with our hands held over our hearts and said the Pledge of Allegiance. I never thought much about it as it was part of a daily 'routine'. I don't even think I comprehended what it meant. Patriotism, until September 11, 2001, was just a word to me. I knew I loved my country and was thankful to live here, but being an American didn't evoke the feelings within me that it does today.Today, I think I know for the first time what it...

Winning My Battle With Anxiety
   by Ellen M. DuBoisI was very outgoing as a child. I'd put on plays in front of my parents, sing to records and put on shows. I was like that all through both elementary school and high school. Nothing scared me and my aspirations were high.I began college as a Theater major and switched midstream to a Communications major. I pictured myself as the next big 'News Anchor'. I'd even auditioned at the Connecticut School of Broadcasting, impromptu, and got accepted.At the age of twenty, during...

Don t Let Your Balloon POP
   by Ellen M. DuBoisI've come to the conclusion that it's okay to be not fine. When people ask me how I'm doing lately, I don't rattle off a list of complaints and observations, sad feelings and grievances - as a matter of fact, I just might say, I'm okay. However, I admit that within myself things are NOT fine and try to work through the feelings that creates.I don't need to share with others all of the time. It's good to vent to a friend and I don't discount that. But, I've learned that I'd...

All My Love And Devotion A True Story
by Ellen M. DuBoisThey met at a dance in 1931, and six months later, on January 30, 1932, were married. I am speaking of my Nana and Pop, (grandparents), who for sixty years were not just married, but were in love. Really IN LOVE.I have chronicled their love through some very touching cards, (I found them in a box, tucked away with a lifetime of memories), that were shared between them before and after my father was born. Most are from my Grandfather to my Grandmother. He drove and worked and...

Books As A Life Saver
   by Ellen M. DuBoisI cannot take credit for writing this, for I am only sharing with you something I found today. It is a very old page, worn and yellowed, from The New Republic dated December 8, 1917. What struck me about this article are two things: 1. The letter from the gentleman, and 2. The extreme importance of books to soldiers overseas. The article states that the two most important things soldiers desired were tobacco and BOOKS. It seems that then, just as now, reading helped folks...

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