When a dating relationship turns serious and you make plans for marriage, you also face the prospect of forming a stepfamily. You may also be moving from single parenthood into step parenthood as well if your new spouse has his or her own children. A step- or blended family has its own set of unique advantages and problems and a stepparent enters into a new relationship with a child that is similar to yet greatly different from that of a parent. And, even though blended families are becoming increasingly common, you are likely to have few guidelines on how the members of your new family should relate to each other, what you can do to smooth the transition, and how you should continue to relate to non custodial parents and to new and old relatives.
As you no doubt have learned, there's no such thing as an instant family. Though you may have hoped that you and your new spouse would immediately love each other's children and that the children would reciprocate, the fact is that the relationships take time and patience to form. Children may, instead of embracing this new family, actually attempt to sabotage the new marriage. You and your spouse, too, may be unprepared for your own possible dislike of your new stepchildren or your spouse's strained relationship with your children.
If you are about to or have recently married and become part of a stepfamily, you can best ease the transition by trying to take the child's point of view, whether it's your natural child's view or that of your stepchild. While you may be swept up in romantic feelings of a new marriage and look forward to making a home together, your child or stepchild may be anticipating this change with great fear and anxiety How your child adjusts and reacts to these changes will depend on his age, his developmental stage, and whether the marriage follows a death or a divorce, and how soon, or whether it is a first time marriage. Other factors that can affect your child's adjustment are the quality of the relationship between you and your new spouse and whether or not there are other children involved in the marriage.
Like all children, your child or stepchild needs to feel he belongs and that he has some control in his life. When a parent marries, he will be faced with a great emotional and physical upheaval, which can be especially stressful if it comes on the heels of numerous other changes. He may worry just what his place will be in this new family and whether anyone will be aware of and willing to take care of his needs. In fact, he may not want a new family, especially if he is still grieving over the loss of his old family and now has to give up a dearly held wish that his natural parents will be getting back together. As you try to understand how your child may be feeling, you'll have to be patient, and help him talk about his feelings. You'll alsohave to be prepared for different behaviors, depending on your child's age.
Article Source: http://www.BharatBhasha.com
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Article Added on Monday, April 28, 2008
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