by: Adeyemi Adetosoye
In the real world, can there be romance without finance? A common saying: No romance, without finance. But what does it mean really? After a little thought about it and a hard look at the big picture, we see that it actually derives from the fact that in the real world, there is actually some level of bias to any decision we make, including our decision to love or be in love.
In a land of utopia therefore, it would seem perfectly reasonable that Love would know no bounds, experience no biases. In our world however, far from any kind of utopia, biases begin to play their different roles, one way or the other.
From a financial standpoint, most women want to be secure and go with whoever comes correct as far as finances are concerned. But finances aren’t the only bias in our society: upbringing, level of education, manners, carriage, height, persona, charm, etiquette, to name a few. Plus of course, he or she should be generally approved by our loved ones.
Expression of our individual biases however, does not mean we are mean people, or self-seeking individuals. On the contrary, they point immediately to two main glaring things: that we are merely humans in an imperfect world and our very human nature, with its whims and elements of choice and free will, allow us to “filter” out our choices till we arrive at our ‘true love’.
But is this love so defined, pure and divine or is it just a load of baloney anyway? Yes it can be pure and divine; no, it is not a lot of baloney. Why? Because from our very natures and the nature of the world in which we live in, our whims must be tolerated, till we see Prince Charming or the Fair Maiden, whoever they turn out to be.
True Love found in this manner, mustn’t be confused with “love” that stems from a desire for self-gain and greed. Yes, it is perfectly possible that finance may drive a romance. And yes, it is perfectly possible that for the less-materialistic of us, finance does drive a romance, but to a much lesser degree than may be considered healthy by most average standards.
A lust for self-gain and the romantic attachments that derive from this may only be considered greedy and disgusting (relative terms, mind), if the romance that results is only for the material possessions and nothing else.
A financially-motivated romantic relationship then, in this guise may not be true love at all, but just the love of self and the desire for self-gain. At the same time, whilst most ‘decent’ folk may not have a no-holds-barred attitude toward the ‘present’ material/financial status of the one they admire, everyone wants to see that the loved one has some “prospects”, or some desire and motivation to make something of him or herself in life. No one wants to be in love with the future bum. In this regard, because of the basic instinct of survival which is perhaps the greatest instinct of all living creatures, humans included, True Love may be assumed.
In this last context however, true love can only be assumed, after it has been tested, not to be a play for the gold, but as a really genuine state of the mind.
This brings us quickly to the story of Romeo and Juliet. First and foremost, they were both from two powerful, perhaps financially free, albeit feuding families. Without the knowledge (possible bias) that Romeo was of the Montague family, she is drawn by him. When she later finds out, she mourns her fate to the heavens and Romeo, hiding in bushes close to her house, hears her lamentation and despite being initially dismayed that she was a Capulet, (this dismay cannot have been too great however, otherwise what was Romeo doing lurking around Juliet’s house in the first place?) is immediately emboldened to make his feelings known to her. True Love had been found!
What is the moral of the story therefore in the light of the theme of my discourse?
True love can be found, despite any and all biases, financial included. He or she may not be well-off now, but that can always change. Romeo and Juliet were not willing to risk their love over pride and the squabble of some old and dead people; a squabble which was probably silly, of which they knew nothing.
Yes, the need for security is very high, but if you truly love him or her, if the bias can be changed, you will try to change it and have true love. If it can’t be changed, or the other refuses to change to suit your personal ‘filter’ and make you both happy, then, you may have to let go.
Knowledge is not power…it is only empowering; the Application of Knowledge is Power.
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