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I had transfered to a new college, and I had one good semester with two good roommates. However, we were sick of living in a triple, so next semester we decided to get doubles. They knew each other longer and decided to room together. The only other guy I knew who didn't have a roommate was someone I'll refer to as Stink (his last name was actually a synonym for smelly). I did know his last roommate moved out after the first semester, and he spent the second semester alone in a room which smelled awful by the end of the year. I thought maybe I could prevent this if I stopped it early.... how wrong I was.

In addition to being a slob, he was also an alcoholic (or at least aspiring to be). I started off by giving him fair warning that if he pukes on our carpet I would not clean it up and I reserved the right to punch him in the face. Unfortunately, this didn't come in handy.

Anyways, one day I walk in the room to see a large ball of toilet paper with a face drawn on it in marker, sitting on his bookshelf. Not even having to ask him, he says "I made him on the toilet, his name is Wilson." Sad? It gets worse. A month later some friends and me take "Wilson" and throw him down the steps and tear it up (it was revenge for him leaving ketchup packets on the floor for people to step on). He enters the room and immediately notices that "Wilson" is gone, and asks me about it. I told him the truth and he shuffles himself to the bathroom with his head down, only to come back 30 minutes later with an even bigger "Wilson".

In addition to being wierd, he was completely oblivious to the fact that someone else lived with him. He'd listen to music from his computer on his headphones, but it didn't make any difference with the volume on it's highest (I could make out all the lyrics). The stupidest moment was when he wouldn't let me turn off his music he was playing off his PS2 at 4:00am because it was "helping him write his paper", or so he put it. I don't think he went to bed until about 6:00am. So to get back at him, I woke up at 10:00am to go to breakfast with my friends. I opened all the windows to let the brisk winter air in, turned up my speakers and played an hour long comedy routine as I walked out the door. I came back to hear him say, "Oh you left your speakers on when you left." and then "Do you know why it's cold in here?" (Keep in mind we live in a dorm room, the window is in plain sight).

My real revenge came when I was able to switch rooms for the next semester, but before I left I had the room to myself since he was home for Winter Break. I started with pouring a strong cologne all over his bed and clothes(to help his new roommate deal with the smell). To top things off, I put rancid mayonaise and eggs in a small dish and left them in his fridge over the month long break. The sad thing is, when I went to toss out the evidence at the end of the break... the room didn't smell any different from it's original foul smell.

I got lucky, because the worst of him came out after I moved out and the freshman moved in with him. One night he got drunk off 2 liters of a box of red wine by himself at 8:00pm on a Monday. Only to throw up all over his room and all over the bathroom, leaving the stink to sit for near a week. Oh, and his freshman roommate ended up cleaning up the mess in their room. What does this poor soul get in return? He wakes up to the sounds of Stink grunting and touching himself while standing over the freshman's bed and looking down at him.

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by dan the roommate manI was a freshman and did not know anyone else who would be attending my university. So I signed up for a roommate (getting a single as a freshman is impossible) and hoped for the best. My roommate turned out to be a nice girl and I was quite happy for the first few weeks. She was clean, quiet, and kept to herself most of the time. Then she got a boyfriend. (At this point, I would like to mention that Roomie wasn't a small girl. She was flirting with 300 lbs. Her...

CAN MY CURRENT ROOMMATE JUST THROW ME OUT? by dan the roommate manQUESTION:I feel that I am being wrongly evicted from our apartment by another roommate who claims to be the only one on the lease. I'm pretty sure I signed it, too, but I can't remember.ANSWER:The first thing to do is to get a copy of that lease. Start with the landlord, who probably has a copy (and state law may require him to give you a copy if you request it). If you're on the lease, your roommate cannot get you out -- only...

by dan the roommate manDon't expect to be best friends with your roommate, just settle for not killing each other...You would not believe how weird my roommate is...My roommate from hell did it again...Yes, I heard all the roommate stories before I started college. The majority of them were about how awful roommates were and how it was impossible to get along. I had a major case of roommate phobia before I started college and I was convinced that I would get a psychopath for a roommate and...

by Dan the roommate manSteps:1. Communicate openly with your roommate. Agree to talk about issues before they get out of control.2. Accept that sometimes people will be in a bad mood. If she says she doesn't want to go do something with you, don't take it personally.3. Decide early how the rent and utilities will be split, and what to do if one person can't make the month's payments.4. Establish rules about food, company, chores, noise, tobacco and alcohol use, and parking. Make sure each...

by dan the roommate manSteps:1. Talk to your roomie-to-be before starting the application process. Find out if there's anything in your future roommate's rental history that would throw a wrench into getting approval for both of you.2. Tell the landlord or property manager exactly how many people will be living in the property. Each of you will have to fill out a rental application.3. Make sure each of you has all your rental history information together. This includes previous addresses, as...

by dan the roommate manOne of the more daunting aspects of survival at a residential school is dealing with your roommate. Not that it's particularly difficult, but it often looms over the impending school year. We want to make sure you're armed with the tools and techniques to effectively communicate and get along with your roommate.The prelims: getting to know your roommate. You should always break the ice--it's hard, sometimes, but after you do, you'll be glad you did!Start with some easy...

CAN YOU BE A GOOD ROOMMATE?-TAKE THE ROOMMATE TEST by dan the roommate manTest yourself with our roommate personality test.1. Do you tend to find fault with others? Yes or no2. Are you a moody person? Yes or no3. Have you ever had a check bounce before? Yes or no4. Do you generally pay your bills after the due date? Yes or no5. Do you wait for someone else to contact the landlord about a maintenance problem? Yes or no6. Do others call you a messy person. Yes or no7. Do you start quarrels...

by dan the roommate manLiving with a roommate will probably be unlike anything you have done in your life until now. To help you adjust to your living situation, we offer the following advice:Be realistic.Don't expect your roommate to be your best friend and constant companion. Continuous close contact can strain even the best of friendships.Keep the lines of communication open.Discuss the potential areas of conflict. Be open to compromise. If necessary, make a list of ground rules concerning...

A true roommate story psyco surfer
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