•A PINT OF YOUR BEST "BUGBEAR" PLEASE
A PINT OF YOUR BEST "BUGBEAR" PLEASE by Victoria Elizabeth Copyright Victoria Elizabeth 2004. All rights reserved.A PINT OF YOUR BEST "BUGBEAR" PLEASE-- Toorah For Those Tittilating Tag-Names that Come With Your Favorite Grog!--Fascinated as I am with names, I happened upon an article in our thrice-weekly newspaper devoted to tempting the tastebuds of tipplers at a local "Beerfest".It seems that our cozy castle (has more than a few educated swillers from nearby colleges and universities, not...
•A WORD OR TWO ABOUT MUGWUMPS
A WORD OR TWO ABOUT MUGWUMPS by Victoria Elizabeth Copyright Victoria Elizabeth 2004.A WORD OR TWO ABOUT MUGWUMPS -- Where oh where have the mugwumps gone? --If you think we're living in some "tough tiddy times", you could be right.After all, when the makers of "Wonderbread" and "Twinkies" have just declared bankcruptcy, it makes all the wafflers, whifflers, and wunderkins of the world a tad nervous.Not to be discouraged, it's time to look on the bright side of things. After all, the arrival...
•CHRISTMAS CLANGERS
CHRISTMAS CLANGERS by Victoria Elizabeth CHRISTMAS CLANGERS-- Collected, compiled and cranked out by "The Quipping Queen" for your amusement and delight --As the ho ho ho season rolls around, one is reminded of some very wicked words from a few wise men, a smattering of witty women, and a handful of weird wee folk who wish to remain anonymous."A Merry Christmas to all my friends except two." (W.C. Fields)"I am a poor man, but I would gladly give ten shillings to find out who sent me the...
•GUNG HAY FAT CHOY!
GUNG HAY FAT CHOY! by Victoria Elizabeth Copyright Victoria Elizabeth 2005.GUNG HAY FAT CHOY! -- GET OUT AND CELEBRATE "THE YEAR OF THE ROOSTER" 2005 --On February 9th, people all over the place will be ringing in another Asian Lunar New Year – THE YEAR OF THE ROOSTER!It’s time to dance with Dragons, bang on the drums, light those fancy firecrackers (left over from Halloween), crack open the fortune cookies, and let’s have a bash – ‘cause the "Rooster’s" back in town!For those of you who...
•MY KIND OF TOWN
MY KIND OF TOWN by Victoria Elizabeth Copyright Victoria Elizabeth 2004. All rights reserved.MY KIND OF TOWN...-- Or, what’s in a name? --What do “Salvage”, “Dildo” and “Heart’s Desire” all have in common?Well these titillating monikers belong to several quaint, little communities in Newfoundland (one of Canada’s Atlantic provinces, for the uninitiated).These charming little out-of-the-way gems (most folk have never heard of let alone laid eyes upon) also share another distinction; they have...
•ODD JOBS
ODD JOBS by Victoria ElizabethCopyright (c) Victoria Elizabeth 2004. All rights reserved.ODD JOBSOr, what to do while "Waiting for Godot"...While some may say, "the world is going to Hades in a handbasket", I say "piffle!"First, Hades isn't even on my "To Do" list for today or, for that matter, tomorrow. Second, "handbaskets" are only for those who enjoy carrying coals to Newcastle or some other Fool's Paradise.Anyway, I prefer to think that life is what you make of it. So, enjoy every...
•POLITICALLY CORRECT SANTA
POLITICALLY CORRECT SANTA by Victoria Elizabeth Copyright Victoria Elizabeth 2004.OR, HOW SNOW WHITE & FRIENDS SENT SANTA PACKING!It seems that we can longer languish in the reveries of "Christmas" anymore. "Christmas" is now "persona non grata" unless it comes with lotsa ka-ching and consumer clatta! "Christmas" has been replaced by non-threatening "happy holiday" greetings, profitable "holiday" gift cards, and a new medical disease called the "ho ho ho" syndrome (I'll let you figure that...
•STOP THE WORLD I WANT TO GET OFF!
STOP THE WORLD I WANT TO GET OFF! by Victoria ElizabethCopyright Victoria Elizabeth 2004. All rights reserved.STOP THE WORLD...I WANT TO GET OFF!-- Or, what was the world like before brand-names & blah-blah-blah? --Inundated with more than 10,000 messages a day, it’s not surprising that many folks prefer to go “bonkers” than see another blessed advertisement for things guaranteed to cure all manner of ills and bring us joy life ever after.You know the ones I mean ...restore your venal vigor...
•THE JOY OF JELLY BEANS
THE JOY OF JELLY BEANS by Victoria ElizabethCopyright Victoria Elizabeth 2004. All rights reserved.THE JOY OF JELLY BEANS--Or, how a little bit of juicy jiggle makes the world go round --According to North American researchers, the only happy members of society these days are "Type B" personalities.Type Bs are, by definition, not "Type A" personalities. No one could mistake them for a fault-finding flibbertygibbet or a fastidious fusspot. And, you'll never find them pushing the "Up" button...
•THE LOST ART OF LOLLYGAGGING
THE LOST ART OF LOLLYGAGGING by Victoria Elizabeth Copyright (c) Victoria Elizabeth 2004. All rights reserved.THE LOST ART OF LOLLYGAGGING--Or, how to dawdle, loaf, or putter to your heart's content--In our time-conscious world -- minutes, hours, and days are only meaningful if they can be organized, measured, prioritized not to mention sliced and diced into "productive" and "non-productive" periods.It seems anything deemed "time wasting" must be derided and then dropped from all "to do"...
•THE MERITS OF MISCHIEVOUS MIND-CANDY
THE MERITS OF MISCHIEVOUS MIND-CANDY by Victoria Elizabeth Copyright Victoria Elizabeth 2005.THE MERITS OF MISCHIEVOUS MIND-CANDY-- Or, how to improve one's vapid vocabulary --In the fast-food, fast-track, and fast-lane of life, there’s precious little time for words any more which is bad news for slow-of-mind folk (like me).I have no “to-do” list and I don’t own a “Blackberry”. Furthermore, I have no need for “power naps” and I don't do “power lunches” (unless I'm wearing my tiara, holding...
•THINGS PERFECTLY NORMAL BEASTS DO
THINGS PERFECTLY NORMAL BEASTS DO by Victoria ElizabethPUBLISHING GUIDELINES: Publishers wishing to use this article are invited to email the author a courtesy copy of their publication, for citation purposes.WORD COUNT: 566It's amazing what "Perfectly Normal Beasts" will do in a pinch. Being a "Beast" is one thing, but being a "Perfectly Normal Beast" is quite another.And being a Perfectly Normal Beast in a pinch, well that's a fate worse than death (especially if hunter-matadors are...
•THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE NIGHT
THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE NIGHT by Victoria Elizabeth PUBLISHING GUIDELINES: You may freely reprint this article in a print or online magazine, e-zine, or newsletter provided that you leave the byline intact, do not alter the content, and make the blog address, www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com "clickable" in any electronic format. Please send a courtesy copy for my records via email to: quippingqueen@yahoo.com.WORD COUNT: 609While I was sitting quietly in my throne room this morning at my...
•THINGS YOU WON'T FIND ON MARS
THINGS YOU WON'T FIND ON MARS by Victoria ElizabethPUBLISHING GUIDELINES: You may freely reprint this article in a print or online magazine, e-zine, or newsletter provided that you leave the byline intact, do not alter the content, and make the blog address, www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com "clickable" in any electronic format. Please send a courtesy copy for my records via email to: quippingqueen@yahoo.com.WORD COUNT: 903Well, I suppose we should all be "happier than a pig in a poke". Why?...
•WELCOME TO WITCHVILLE
WELCOME TO WITCHVILLE by Victoria Elizabeth Copyright by Victoria Elizabeth 2004. All rights reserved.WELCOME TO WITCHVILLE(Home of Scream Cuisine & Other Stuff)Living in Victoria, BC (Canada) has a few perks.Second to Salem, Massachusetts (the world capital of witchcraft), Victoria, BC is Canada's "most haunted house city".This "California-North", left-coast, cosy community with the unique distinction of being dubbed Canada's "garden city", it also has something else strange going for it....
•WHAT'S IN A NAME? -- Odd Places in America
WHAT'S IN A NAME? -- Odd Places in America by Victoria Elizabeth Copyright Victoria Elizabeth 2004. All rights reserved.WHAT DO 'DEAD HORSE' AND 'DEVIL'S BACKBONE' HAVE IN COMMON?-- A Misguided Guide to Unusual Placenames in America --It is said that England has more than a few rather quaint placenames such as Bodmin, Grimbister, Ipswich, Nobottle, No Man's Land, Pie Corner, Pratt's Bottom, Scrabster and Twatt but, they pale in comparison to the plethora of picturesque placenames in the "New...
•YOUR HAIKU ERROR MESSAGES FOR THE DAY
YOUR HAIKU ERROR MESSAGES FOR THE DAY by Victoria Elizabeth PUBLISHING GUIDELINES. This article may be used in print or electronic publications. Publishers are requested to email the author (quippingqueen@yahoo.com) with a copy of the article reprinted in their publication, or a link back to the author's blog at (www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com). WORD COUNT: 577While many disparage the advent of glitches in our wired world, the only way to find solace and sanity is to return to the ancient...
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