•BRING OUT YOUR INNER ROMEO & JULIET!
BRING OUT YOUR INNER ROMEO & JULIET! by Theolonius McTavish Copyright Theolonius McTavish 2005.BRING OUT YOUR INNER ROMEO OR Juliet!-- Or, where to find a romantic rendez-vous to reconnoiter? -By Theolonius McTavish, currently a ribald roving reporter (with an abiding interest in arcane topics like curious, odd, or downright postively playful placenames), and part-time errant carpet knight, (a left-over piece of Karma from a previous lifetime)Valentine’s Day is rolling around again. What...
•CELEBRATE WORLD TINKLE PANTRY DAY!
CELEBRATE WORLD TINKLE PANTRY DAY! by Theolonius McTavish WORLD TINKLE PANTRY DAY!-- Or, how to celebrate the wonders of water-closets--Copyright Theolonius McTavish 2004. All rights reserved.November 19th is a very auspicious occasion. It's none other than "International Tinkle Pantry Day".For those of you who are unfamiliar with the little known term "tinkle pantry", it is the focal point and modest appliance found in most "water closets", "places of ease" or "comfort stations".North...
•HO HO HO MEMO
HO HO HO MEMO by Theolonius McTavish Copyright Theolonius McTavish 2004. All rights reserved.HO HO HO MEMORANDUMTO: All employeesFROM: The ManagementDATE: December 2, 2004RE: Reducing the Unintended Consequences of Getting into "The Holiday Spirit"Following recommendations from SHE (our Safety, Health and Enviromental committee), HE (our Helpful Employees Committee) and FUN (the Federation of Undemonstrative Nations), the measures outlined below will be implemented immediately thus ensuring...
•HOLIDAY IN HADES?
HOLIDAY IN HADES? by Theolonius McTavish Copyright by Theolonius McTavish 2004. All rights reserved.HOLIDAY IN HADES? -- Or, more about life in the nether world from Our Man in Hades --Who says things never change in Hades?To remain competitive with "high-performance" earth-bound products and "excellent" customer service ratings in Paradise, the underworld Inferno (affectionately known as "the abyss"), has spruced things up a bit to satisfy the growing demands of well-heeled travellers.A...
•HOW D' YA LIKE THEM APPLES?
HOW D' YA LIKE THEM APPLES? by Theolonius McTavish HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES? -- Or, things you might have said to Eve had she tricked you into eating the apple --Copyright by Theolonius McTavish 2004. All rights reserved.There are a few things that you might be tempted to say, if you had the chance, (especially if you’re a fly on a wall in the proverbial “Garden of Eden”).Speaking of flies, here are some choice lines you wish Adam might have told Eve before chomping into that fateful...
•LESSON FROM HUNDRED ACRE WOOD
LESSON FROM HUNDRED ACRE WOOD by Theolonius McTavish Copyright 2004 by Theolonius McTavish. All rights reserved.LESSON FROM HUNDRED ACRE WOOD-- Or, wabbit hunting is for wimps --Some say that the world is being overrun by far too many rabbits -- Oswald the Rabbit, Roger the Rabbit, Bugs Bunny not to mention all manner of wretched little Easter Bunnies. If that’s so, then “wabbit hunting” is sure to become a growth opportunity for outfitters, guides, and taxidermists or for those catering to...
•ON THE IMPORTANCE OF ELEPHANTS
ON THE IMPORTANCE OF ELEPHANTS by Theolonius McTavish Copyright Theolonius McTavish 2004. ON THE IMPORTANCE OF ELEPHANTS-- Or, can you tell me where I can find “Babar”, “Dumbo” or “Topsy”? --According to Google, 826,000 websites are devoted to the topic of elephants.Just imagine what would life be like if there were no behemoths rambling about to give someone a bad-hair day?Actually these boisterous bruisers have been around for millennia; so long in fact that 4,000 years ago, people in the...
•POSTCARD FROM A PERPLEXING PLANET
POSTCARD FROM A PERPLEXING PLANET by Theolonius McTavish (c) Theolonius McTavish 2004. All rights reserved.Seeking a spot of serenity somewhere in the universe, I recently booked a deep-discount dodgy berth on the ‘White Elephant Express Space Shuttle’, to a little known place in a galaxy far, far away.“IT” (otherwise known as HD 36405.b) is not your average “oddball” exo-solar planet made of rock that wobbles on its end and zips around a nearby star in less than 2.46 days.Most linear...
•SHAMELESS SANTA SLIDERS
SHAMELESS SANTA SLIDERS by Theolonius McTavishCopyright Theolonius McTavish 2004. All rights reserved.-- SHAMELESS SANTA SLIDERS --Every year the Ho-Ho-Ho-ing chap in the red tunic with the white whiskers gets inundated with some pretty balmy questions.So this year, I asked him if he wouldn't mind responding to twenty-five odd, obscure, and some might even say downright obtuse queries. Needless to say, he was delighted to have a chortling chinwag with me by satellite phone from his nippy...
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