•A Season of Sorrow and Joy
A Season of Sorrow and Joy by Dr. Dorree LynnAs the holiday week starts in full force many of us will skate between sorrow and joy, fear and hope concern and celebration. For some, it will be a particularly hard week. As a result of September 11th, they have lost someone they love and are not only alone, but also in mourning. Others will reevaluate their priorities and cherish even more those they love. They will appreciate all they have and hold their families more tightly to their hearts...
•All You Need Is Love, Is Not True
All You Need Is Love, Is Not True by Dr. Dorree LynnThe Beatles got it right when they sang: “All you need is love.” But, people tend to get it wrong when they don’t differentiate between being in love and what it takes to have a love relationship. After “kissing a lot of frogs,” hoping your prince or princess will appear, or after a demoralizing dry spell, falling in love seems like a magic potion that will get you through the rest of your life.Being romantically in love feels wonderful....
•AN AMERICAN TRAGEDY
AN AMERICAN TRAGEDY by Dr. Dorree LynnOne of my children is a daughter adopted 22 years ago from a little known orphanage in Pune, India. She joined our family at six weeks and became a US citizen before she could speak. Her pre-adoption history -- as are so many other adopted children's -- is a maze of facts and fabrications and we will never be able to weave together the complete truth about her origins. Her identity is the one formed as she grew up as part of our American family. She...
•Coming of Age: Part 1
Coming of Age: Part 1 by Dr. Dorree LynnA Valentine For Grown-UpsAnd All Those Who Will Someday Be Over FiftyPart One of Two Every six seconds, an American man or woman enters the sexual wilderness of life after 50. There are close to 60 million of us in our mid-50s and beyond. We are boomers, seniors, wise and sexy elders. We crisscross and belong to all walks of life. At no point in the course of history have we lived so long and expected so much of human relationships. Yet when it comes...
•Dear Tech Support
Dear Tech Support by Dr. Dorree LynnLast year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply...
•Divorce Is Not A Good Idea Right Now
Divorce Is Not A Good Idea Right Now by Dr. Dorree LynnSince September 11th although tempers have flared, depression has increased and sleeplessness has become an unwelcome visitor to many, committed relationships have not faltered and divorce filings have declined. Why is this? Even though people are stressed and often wind up fighting with their husband, wife or significant other, something positive has also occurred. People realize that they need each other and that life really is too...
•Education For Our Troubled Times
Education For Our Troubled Times by Dr. Dorree LynnThe events of September 11th and the aftermath of anthrax scares and security warnings shattered our illusions and morphed our once familiar world into a new and unfamiliar one. As a result, all of us are learning to live with a newly developing normalcy. Metaphorically speaking, we are only at the first stage of this education—taking our preliminary prerequisite classes: Living with Terrorism 101. Living with Anxiety 102. Getting out of Bed...
•Father's Day
Father's Day by Dr. Dorree LynnBASEBALL MEMORIESA DAUGHTER’S TALE My father wanted a son. I understood that from the time I could intuit those secret messages that children know without knowing they know. My dad loved me. I also knew that. But, raising a daughter was foreign to him. Certainly, it wasn’t his first choice. So, in the ways that a child tries to please a parent, I tried to please him, to fulfill and give him what he wished for. It worked up to a point. Although in later years he...
•Give At The Office: Empty At Home
Give At The Office: Empty At Home by Dr. Dorree LynnAs the stigma of seeking therapy has diminished, serious therapists have themselves become scapegoats and symbols for much that is wrong with the mental health field. This distrust of the therapeutic professions comes at a time when there is an increasing unraveling of relationships, family, and community and society needs good therapists more than ever. While the Internet has brought us easy access to instant information and provided us...
•Holiday Blues
Holiday Blues by Dr. Dorree LynnThere is no stigma attached to getting emotional help. After all, if you sprain your ankle you wouldn't think twice about going to a professional. If you "sprain your brain," so to speak, you need to treat that as well. While the holidays are an exciting time for most people, many others suffer depression more severely during this time of year. And, depression doesn't just happen to other people. If you are alone or divorced, it can easily happen to you....
•In Sickness And In Health Until Death Do Us Part
In Sickness And In Health Until Death Do Us Part by Dr. Dorree LynnA simple love storyHe was young and arrogant and intent on marrying an heiress. Long black hair flying behind her, she walked into his life. He thought he was superior to her. She didn’t notice, as she wasn’t the least bit interested in him. Two years later, madly in love, they married. For twenty years, they fought, loved, fought through the night, made-up and loved. They produced two wonderful children. He went on to be...
•Is It A Crisis Or Does It Just Feel Like One
Is It A Crisis Or Does It Just Feel Like One by Dr. Dorree LynnPart one of a series on psychotherapyContrary to the way most of us think about crises, genuine crises are few and far between. Life or death situations such as serious illness, a bad accident, or a suicide attempt are crises that must be dealt with in the moment. An out of control alcoholic spouse, a physically abusive parent, a child swallowing poison, the aftermath of rape, are all crises that require immediate attention. In...
•Marriage And Money
Marriage And Money by Dr. Dorree LynnStudies show that money issues are the highest cause of marital conflict and cause for divorce. Conflicts over money and money management outweigh conflicts over sex (including affairs) and differences over raising children as the greatest trouble area in a marriage. Partners enter a marriage with an intensely personal history of how they have handled money that has usually been learned from their families of origin. When the two people who are part of a...
•Motherhood And Madness
Motherhood And Madness by Dr. Dorree LynnWhen her husband suddenly walked out on her, my friend Barbara was a very young mother of four children between the ages of two and six. Her husband had become addicted to pot and their marriage had begun to disintegrate. Barbara was a “good girl” and she had sixteen years of perfect attendance Sunday School pins to attest to this fact. She had left college to marry her childhood sweetheart, and a family was soon on the way. No money and sudden single...
•New Year New Love
New Year New Love by Dr. Dorree LynnJanuary tends to be an awful month. For many individuals loneliness increases, and they yearn to be brought to life by the passion of romance. This passionate romantic love is not just a form of love, it is an entire psychological package consisting of a combination of beliefs, ideals, attitudes and expectations. Passionate, romantic love is the single greatest energy system in a new relationship. It can drive us wild, “crazy” out of our heads. In the...
•One Person's Cross May Be Another Person's Salvation - Part 2
One Person's Cross May Be Another Person's Salvation - Part 2 by Dr. Dorree LynnYour genetic makeup, personal history, and particular preferences and abilities help dictate not only how you view the world, but also what experiences may cause you concern. Some people take so much time thinking about an event that they may never act, while others confuse activity with productivity. We have all watched bathers enter a swimming pool. One person will stand on the edge for so long, deciding...
•People Are Like Tea Bags
People Are Like Tea Bags by Dr. Dorree LynnPut them in hot water and they grow stronger — except for those that don’t.On a recent trip to a distant state, my husband and I unexpectedly met a couple visiting the same sightseer’s monument that we were. After speaking for a while, one of those delightful and unexpected light bulbs went on and we realized they were related to two close friends of ours. So of course, we decided to hang out longer than we had planned and soon we were having dinner...
•PSYCHOTHERAPY, SPIRITUALITY, AND AGING
PSYCHOTHERAPY, SPIRITUALITY, AND AGING by Dr. Dorree LynnAs I work with people fifty and over, I am aware that no matter how important the psychologically related issues of their personal lives may be, it is rare when spirituality doesn't become an issue fairly early in our work together. As my patient, Jamie, a tall, shy, sixty-three year old woman said: "Although I entered therapy to try to come to terms with so many possibilities that I have never considered before, such as my failing...
•Reactions To Traumatic Events - Part 2
Reactions To Traumatic Events - Part 2 by Dr. Dorree LynnWhat to expect: Women A woman's work is never done--so goes the saying -- and during this time of uncertainty and healing, perhaps this is truer than ever. Women tend to be the ones responsible for keeping the home fires burning, children's schedules organized, and the their own lives in order. Plus, she is often involved with community connections, house of worship attendance, food shopping, and even getting her own nails done--often...
•Reactions to Traumatic Events Part 1
Reactions to Traumatic Events Part 1 by Dr. Dorree LynnWhat to expect. Men.The other day I was talking to a guy’s guy whom I know well. He is a glib and facile talker, hard drinker and intellectually astute man. We were on the phone and I had never heard him sound so down. “What’s up?” I asked very carefully, not to sound concerned. “Hey doc.” He said, trying to remain upbeat. “Yup.” I answered, just as casually. “Hey doc.” He repeated. “The strangest thing happened to me today. I was upset...
•Real Families Have Fights - How to Keep the Holidays Happy
Real Families Have Fights - How to Keep the Holidays Happy by Dr. Dorree LynnDue to the complexity of our new normalcy, achieving wonderful holiday cheer may take a little extra work this year. For many people, Thanksgiving heralds a month of myths often culminating in January depression. Newspapers, magazines, the big and little screens and our own childhood wishes propel us towards dreams of wonderful Thanksgiving dinners, Chanukah gelt, Christmas gifts and New Year's revelry replete with...
•September Tears
September Tears by Dr. Dorree LynnSeptember is that ritualized time of year when children of all ages leave home for school. This week, our twenty-two year old daughter left home for what seemed like the zillionth time. This time it was to return to college, and this time she left total chaos in her wake. She had transferred to a new school and her hitherto well-understood leaving and packing process seemed forgotten. It was as if she had never been away before. She experienced periods of...
•Sex With Your Ex
Sex With Your Ex by Dr. Dorree LynnThe death of a marriage must be mourned like any other lost relationship. It is often experienced as a death of family, of commitment, hope, or a dream. Dreams die-hard as there is nothing tangible about them and no place to put the “body.” When one is a widow or a widower the entire world knows you have experienced a death and there are rituals to help you go through the grieving process. When you get divorced, few who haven’t been there realize the...
•Sex, Is too for Fifty Plus
Sex, Is too for Fifty Plus by Dr. Dorree Lynn“No spring nor summer beauty hath such grace As I have seen in one autumnal face …If we love things long sought, age is a thingWhich we are 50 years in compassing.” K. RainesWhen she was young enough to know some, but not all, about the adult world with its mysteries of sexuality, my daughter, in the midst of a seemingly unrelated conversation about pets asked: “Mom, can old people still do ‘it?’ You know they are smelly and their skin sags. How...
•Shattered Illusions
Shattered Illusions by Dr. Dorree LynnMan is the only animal that finds his own existence a problem he has to solve and from which he cannot escape. In the same sense man is the only animal who knows he must die. Eric FrommThe bombing of New York’s twin towers and the Pentagon in Washington, DC as well as the hijacking of four U.S. planes that resulted in thousands of murders has shattered our soul’s sense of safety. Never again will we be a nation secure in the illusion that as a country...
•The Death Of A Child
The Death Of A Child by Dr. Dorree LynnThere may be nothing in life as devastating as the death of a child. Elders are supposed to pass on before their young. After all, that is nature's law. Yet, “Death hath no dominion.” And, life is not always fair.The death of a young child is the single most powerful predictor of divorce. This is true because a parent's grief knows no bounds. Self-incrimination creeps in as does blame. Depression and desperation are common aftermaths of such an event....
•The Decision: A True Story
The Decision: A True Story by Dr. Dorree LynnPart Three Of A Series On Psychotherapy Once you have made the decision to find help, be wary of "fast-food solutions," the "McDonalds" type of psychotherapy such as glib call-in radio shows, simplistic magazine articles, or motivational tapes that promise to instantly heal your deepest wounds. It may only take thirty days to tighten a tummy, but soothing a troubled soul may take considerably longer. While there are helpful remedies for...
•The Price We Pay For Play
The Price We Pay For Play by Dr. Dorree LynnYou know it is January because more people are sad, mad, or bad than glad. There are many explanations for this behavior. One, is that the dark cold winter days and lack of sunlight lowers Serotonin levels in the brain causing a general malaise or funk, sort of like bears who just want to hibernate until warm weather beckons. Others believe that the holiday let down leaves people, well, let down, often disappointed and aware of their loss of a...
•The Wizard of Soul
The Wizard of Soul by Dr. Dorree Lynn"He is a good Wizard. Whether he is a man or not I cannot tell, for I have never seen him." The Wizard of OZ Frank BaumThe word psychotherapy comes from Greek. Loosely translated, psyche means soul and the therapeutic herapist is meant to be the attendant or the one dealing with healing of the soul. It wasn’t until the late nineteenth century with the dramatic input of physicians like Charcot, Freud and others that the psychotherapist became a person...
•Timothy McVeigh’s Legacy of Revenge - Evil is Evil is Evil
Timothy McVeigh’s Legacy of Revenge - Evil is Evil is Evil by Dr. Dorree LynnA Psychologist Speaks“Are we like sheep? ” IsaiahIf we give an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, we shall all be blind and gumming. Overtly we are dealing with the issue of crime and punishment. Covertly we are dealing with evil, revenge, and passion. As soon as we get caught in the confused web of revenge masked as justice, as soon as we re blinded by our own evil intentions, good people get lost. Revenge...
•Transition
Transition by Dr. Dorree LynnTransitionPassage from one stage, place, stage, or subject to another—so states the dictionary definition—words that describe movement, but that say nothing of substance and the depth of human feeling. Nothing of nights spent tossing and turning, when craving sleep we lie awake, fighting our personal demons and feelings of failure. Or, terror resulting in knotted stomachs, shallow breathing, and the desire to remain in our comfort zone or to run far away. Neither...
•What Do Mothers Want?
What Do Mothers Want? by Dr. Dorree LynnWHAT DO MOTHERS WANT?I had a mom, I am a mom and two of my daughters are moms. I loved mother’s day. It was a wonderful contest ---which mom could call the other first. Gifts galore and all the love expressed was wonderful. But, that’s only one day. What do mom’s really need and want the rest of the time?1. Family love and respect and help in the kitchen, make your own bed and take out the trash without being asked.2. An unexpected hug and “I love you...
•What Do We Tell Our Children?
What Do We Tell Our Children? by Dr. Dorree LynnWhat Do We Tell Our Children?orLittle Pitchers Have Big EarsIn the last few days, be it on a TV interview, a call in program, at a meeting or a consultation, people ask variations of the following questions. “What do we tell our children about the bombing? Shall we keep it a secret? Shall we wait with the little ones until they ask? After all they don’t know the difference, anyway.” They say. “At what age can they comprehend what has happened?...
•What You Still May Be Experiencing, After September 11, 2001
What You Still May Be Experiencing, After September 11, 2001 by Dr. Dorree LynnWhat You Still May Be Experiencing After September 11, 2001Every one of us who has experienced the events of September 11th and the aftermath, has encountered stress which is far beyond what is usual in our lives. Unusual reactions to an unusual situation are normal. Below are some of the reactions you may have. Although we may experience them at different times – immediately, or days, even weeks later – they are...
•When the Terror Won't Stop
When the Terror Won't Stop by Dr. Dorree LynnWHEN THE TERROR WON'T STOPThe New RealityThe planes bursting in air causing mayhem and destruction gave Americans a rallying point to come together, to hoist our flags and to be patriotic. As was appropriate, we joined as one nation. Though stabbed with shock, we reacted bravely and generously. We felt buoyed by a united congress singing God Bless America. We harkened to Bush, Pataki and GiuIiani's entreatments to be strong, resolute and...
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